my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
