I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
