The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
