We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sorry about my life...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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