My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You ruined the universe
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
