I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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