he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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