what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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