it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
