i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
