true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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