He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
