i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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