Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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