I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Someone came in the potted fern
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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