we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Randomize
