he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We had to coat check the pizza.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
