And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
