Soap is not a condiment
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
