upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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