I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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