Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
