no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
