I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just cropdusted the office
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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