saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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