you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I cut my penus on the lid.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
