Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
