so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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