if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
