Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
