12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
