Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
