i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
