We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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