I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize