Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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