he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
should my penis look like a turkey
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
