did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
