I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
