i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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