No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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