bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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