i don't like sucking hair
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
