Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
