I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
