haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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