Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
