i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
