I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
