Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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