Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
