And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
