Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
