Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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