i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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