Don't you send me to vm
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Alive.
So much puke
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
