what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
