btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
