Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
