were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
