That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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