Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
