I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
