My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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